please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
