So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
