never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love you. Go after that dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
