I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ttyl tear gas
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
