Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
