who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
