I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
