maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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