just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
