We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
