the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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