ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
