I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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