dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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