Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
