pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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