What a fucking waste of an outfit
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
