i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
