Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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