he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
