i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
