Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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