Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
