Buhtt sex?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
