I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
