Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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