Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
