So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
