I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I smell stomach acid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
