thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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