she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
