I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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