you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
