your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
