Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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