He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
