It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
