i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm really busy with my period
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