Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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