1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
