that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
