I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
