xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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