Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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