First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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