john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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