I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
