I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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