All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
