Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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