I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
