mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
