It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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